I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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