I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
