Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
how do you play pong handcuffed?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
