D3 body, D1 cock
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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