booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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