Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think people are normalizing furries
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
