the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I did not marry a roomba.
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