I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
