One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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