you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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