Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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