If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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