i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
