Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
