"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
