I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
