How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
