we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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