My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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