I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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