Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
