I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
