wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
