I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
