once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
