ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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