Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
