Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
