well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
