She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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