Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We smell like vodka and hangover
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