Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
