Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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