you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
