i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
