Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
