so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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