I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
