Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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