I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
