The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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