I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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