he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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