Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
