she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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