Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
