Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
