Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
