Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
