A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dating After Heartbreak
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.