We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
