Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
