I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
