She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
