I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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