I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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