A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
