my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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