Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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