i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
