I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
