It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
These tits shall not be calmed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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