Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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