the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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