P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
