he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
zippers are such a cool invention
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
