i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Two words: blizzard sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
