i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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