after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
