were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
