Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
