There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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