I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's the barista slut.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
